I had left the script for a few days to ponder it and now opened it again. Version 3 was still way over length and clocking in at 21 pages. However with a fresh set of eyes and perspective I realised that I could easily cut some sections that repeated themselves somewhat and also streamline a lot of the dialogue. Doing this I managed to get it down to 20 pages still nearly double the length I was aiming for.
It was definitely playing too long and laboriously though from a test read through I did with a friend. The characters were working well and the combatorial moments were really getting there BUT the data and details on the global warming issue were still too long and I was having trouble letting go of them because even though I knew this I really liked some of the writing and was having trouble letting go of it.
It was becoming hard to see the wood for the trees.What I really needed was afresh set of eyes and a script editor. Not knowing nay who would work for free I decided to call my actor and to see if he would be happy to work on the script with me. I explained the issues ands as he has written scripts himself and was very interested I the project he agreed to help. He also provided some excellent advice that I knew but had not been adhering to "Show, do not say". he reminded me that he was an actor and a look or gesture could speak a thousand words. He was more than happy to help put this element into the script and as I knew he had a good grasp of the character I was more than happy to take him up on the offer.
Following his advice I did manage to strip out another page or so of dialogue replacing it with scene direction and action. I also took the time to go through and be super ruthless marking the areas on the script that I felt MUST stay and those that could possibly go. I did not take them out immediately as I wanted to use Brian my actor as a sounding board and second opinion> BUT this did make me prepared for the script edit as I had decided which battles I would fight for if it came to it and which I was happy to concede.
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